Have you come from a childhood of frugality or what I call, “the no money syndrome”? Did you grow up hearing, “We don’t have the money for that”? Then you know what I’m talking about. Patterns form in our brain that we take into our adult life telling us that we don’t have money, we’re not worthy, we don’t deserve and the list can go on.
Are Finer Things Foreign To You?
How do YOU measure success? Some measure it by how much money they earn or have in the bank. Others measure it by family relationships. Yet others measure by status of employment. Recently I had an Ah Ha moment about success and increase and hope to give you insight and encouragement in this area.
I attended a wonderful conference with my husband for a few days. While we were there, the message being conveyed didn’t come across as needed or as it should have for us to understand the true meaning. We tried to keep open minds but when others around us started to question increase versus materialism, we doubted as well. After much prayer followed by questions, I started to change my mindset. We hear from so many famous speakers about changing our mindset. Well I’m here to tell you that it’s much easier said than done.
We need feelings and emotions invoked inside of us in order to understand and truly change. But, something else that is needed is a clear understanding of our view of success and increase. It was at that Ah Ha moment that the light bulb went on and I got what the speakers along my path have been saying. Using cars, large houses, planes, and other material things as their visuals threw me off. When speakers use materialism to teach, in my mind it comes across as not biblical, so I question and get uncomfortable. You see I was raised with a frugal mindset, as was my husband. And at church we used to hear a lot about not becoming materialistic. Again – in my mind that meant, not having “things” but rather relationships. So you can see how the confusion begins.
My dad was a teacher, my mom babysat kids, was a teacher’s aide, and transcribed. My husband’s dad was a sheet metal worker and his mom was a nurse. These are all honorable professions and take gifted people to do these jobs. But it created in us a mindset when we were younger that limited our ability to create wealth and comfort, (until now). Yet my relatives were all doctors, lawyers, owned retail stores, etc. So what was the difference that made us settle into our mindset?
Here are a few things that others have shared with me:
1. Not feeling worthy of nice things.
2. Not having the money.
3. Not allowed to enjoy material things.
(When in reality we’ve really been taught not to covet, this is totally different)
4. Don’t deserve respect or to have fun.
5. Save for the future, don’t spend frivolously now.
Here’s a list of things I realized in my Ah Ha moment:
1. First impressions ARE important and the way I look matters.
2. Wearing nice clothes makes a difference because I feel more confident.
3. Driving nice, clean vehicles shows that we care about our property. People stop and take notice.
(I’m not talking about expensive vehicles per say. I’m talking about washing and vacuuming your car.)
4. Respecting yourself enough to look and feel good gives others confidence in your ability and relationships.
5. How you carry yourself matters, to you and to others.
(If you’re feeling great, there’s a spring in your step. If you’re not, think about how you carry yourself?)
Law Of Attraction
Now please don’t get me wrong. We’re not focusing on materialism as I used to think when I heard this type of seminar. We’re focusing on how to get others to respect us, listen to what we have to say and for me, “Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope” 1 Peter 3:16.
If a Christian’s passion is God – they should feel free to enjoy fine things, but somehow this sometimes gets lost in translation. I feel like it’s a sort of pay it forward mindset. If we earn for Christ and keep our eyes upon Him, the rest falls into place. There are people who don’t believe and are successful. So why shouldn’t we get a piece of the pie to forward the Kingdom?
How can we sell a product when we don’t use it or believe in it? The same holds true for people. How can we expect others to think highly of us if we don’t think highly of ourselves? We have to retrain our brain and surround ourselves with those who think highly of us and care about us. This is a difficult concept to teach. I’ve been trying to teach it to my youngest for many years but she consistently stays with people who drag her down because she doesn’t quite know how to seek out friends who build her up. It’s a learned process.
My husband and I set a goal of transformation. As we began to transform our clothing, mindset, how we deal with money, etc., several things happened.
1. My business was taken more seriously by others, including the media and therefore grew rapidly.
2. My self-esteem went up and others wanted to know how I do all that I do.
3. People can feel our passion and love for others and want to be a part of what we’re doing, no matter what it is.
4. My husband has people at work wondering what’s going on in his life that he’s so happy and looking so good. {Smile}
The difficult part
Getting past the negative feelings about money, success, having nice things, taking care of self, etc. There’s a fine line and figuring out just where you fit in the equation can only be done by you. And having others around you who build you up makes a huge difference!
In a personal experiment, I found that being in a group of people who constantly lift each other up, support, and care for each other creates a confidence and helps deter the negative self talk and subsequently heals the subconscious of the negative as well. The opposite also holds true.
Let me give you a scenario about human nature and success: Two people drive up to a networking event, one is in a Ford and one is in a Mercedes. Which one do you think people will want to talk to first? When the person gets out of their Ford wearing a pair of nice jeans and a nice shirt, but the person in the Mercedes gets out and is wearing a fabulous suit, there is a distinct judgment of who is more successful. Often times this is a valid judgment. However for the few times it is not, people who don’t speak with the comfortable person in jeans lose a good contact.
Here’s another story – I went car shopping when I was 18 yrs old. I wanted a Mustang GT convertible. Not many salespeople would give me the time of day. I had to go to a friend who worked at a dealership to get my car. And yes, at 18 I had my burgundy, Mustang GT convertible with a white top. I drove back to one of the dealerships that didn’t treat me very well and showed them my new car. The same thing happened when I took my friend car shopping. Her father owned half of the real estate in the valley and sent her shopping for the car she wanted. When she found her car she was to let him know and he would pay for it. We got treated poorly almost everywhere we went. She ended up bringing her father with her when she found a car she thought she wanted.
It’s all in the mindset of the person. It’s that first impression that invokes a reaction and judgment. This is plain old human nature. So when women tell me they shouldn’t have to change who they are to impress people, I ask them how they feel when they walk into a room. Treat everyone with the same respect and we’ll all do fine. Unfortunately this isn’t going to happen all the time so we must make people take notice by dressing for success and feeling successful. It’s NOT materialism. It’s a mindset. And when I stopped focusing on the materialism aspect I had more opportunities to share what was on my heart.
It’s still “your” mind, “your” feelings, “your” opinions, and “your” caring soul inside. You just look & feel better. So I guess you could call it the law of attraction, or taking care of you, or dressing for success. Whatever you call it, do it for yourself.
©2007-2014 Susie Glennan
All Rights Reserved.
Speak Your Mind